MINNEAPOLIS—According to a study published Friday by researchers at the
University of Minnesota, mosquitoes have no physiological reason to bite
humans, and in fact do so only out of spite. "For years, entomologists
assumed members of the Culicidae family drew blood for sustenance, but
as it turns out, they feed almost exclusively on pollen," said study
author Dr. Robert Benenson, who explained the sociopathic insects either
spit out human blood immediately after they bite, or else carry it from
person to person, gratuitously killing millions as they spread diseases
like malaria and dengue fever. "While there is literally zero
biological necessity for their bloodsucking behavior, mosquitoes enjoy
putting a damper on our outdoor activities and expend tremendous energy
spreading deadly pestilence throughout the world. They just really,
really hate us." Benenson noted that mosquitoes bite a variety of
vertebrates besides humans and are especially fond of leaving itchy
patches on the skin of baby pandas, koala bears, and very small puppies.
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